Reflections on PiT ~ I am Responsible for My Own Feelings

Jan 30, 2013 by

www.JamesandShilo.comFrom Shilo’s laptop on Wednesday morning…

Yesterday, you read my post about the PiT communication tool, Clearing the Yuck. I don’t usually blog daily, but I have decided to send out a few more blog posts once-a-day for the next several days about the PiT as a deepening of what I shared yesterday. If you’ve tried using the PiT before, these additional posts should shed some light on how to make it even more effective. If you haven’t tried it yet, but are curious, these next few posts will give you the foundation to get the most out of an already fabulous communication tool – based on our learnings and mistakes along the way. So you’ll get through things faster and with less bumps! I also share – often very candidly – about our own journey. Where we’ve come from and what’s going on even now. I have even rooked James into writing a post, which I’ll share at the end of this series.

You see, I had originally written some notes for these Reflection blog posts to support a friend over a year ago, but recently I have become aware that I am writing them now for me. And for James.  So, here is Part 2 (of 6) of my Reflections on PiT.

Why now?

Yes, we have had 3 months of non-stop visitors here in Mazatlan, in a much smaller space with little or no privacy. Yes, our life and schedule has been incredibly full for months on end. Yes, we’ve been taking great strides on many levels lately. But it’s easy to let things go – even those things that “work” – when we get busy. James and I do the PiT fairly often, but it’s become less and less regular this past year or two.

I became aware this week that I have begun to feel a bit unfulfilled in my relationship and have been having thoughts of loneliness. All perfectly normal experiences within a relationship. However, this is also a brilliant yellow flag for me. It’s time to return to a committed ritual of doing the PiT with James. It’s time to put my full focus and loving, conscious attention back on my amazing relationship. Back on James. To shine that internal Light outwards on sharing, listening, witnessing, supporting. We are dynamic people, ever changing. So this is a great opportunity to be more vulnerable with each other, to be curious about where we are at now, what we each need now and where we want to go next.

The enemy of good is Great. I am ready to make another Great Leap!

Reflections on PiT – I am Responsible for My Own Feelings

If James shares something that makes me uncomfortable, those are MY feelings. I am responsible for how I feel (and visa versa). And now that I am aware of my discomfort, I have an opportunity to discover what is making me uncomfortable.What’s going on beneath the surface.

More healing. More letting go. More moving forward.

Whatever “it” is that is making me feel uncomfortable has to be addressed eventually, so why not now? It’s far less painful when I address an issue as it comes up. Only through procrastinating and drawing out the whole affair does it become more and more painful. Be gentle with yourself. Rip the proverbial Band-Aid off in one quick jerk, don’t pry it back millimetre by millimetre, hair by individual hair!

Taking 100% responsibility for my feeling is tough. It means no blame. No pointing fingers. No excuses.

As it says in the PiT communication tool: “…State the things that i notice that adversely affect me, irritate me, or things over which I made my Self uncomfortable, angry or hurt, things that s/he said or things s/he did or did not do.” ( “I – Interpersonal: Between You and Me” section, under “Difficulties”)

This took me a couple of months to wrap my head around, in the beginning. But it also became the doorway to some of my fastest shifts.

Love and blessings to you, today and always,

🙂 Shilo

PiT communication tool

Part 1 – Clearing the Yuck