Reflections on PiT ~ Just Gunning For a Fight

Feb 1, 2013 by

www.jamesandshilo.comFrom Shilo’s laptop on Friday morning…

Part 4 of Reflections:

Reflections on PiT ~ Have You Ever Been “Just Gunning For A Fight”?!

  • If you recognize within yourself this space of just aching for a fight, walk away.
  • If you’re just itching for the chance to make someone wrong, walk away.
  • If you know that you are in a space where you are taking EVERYTHING personally, go be alone for a while.
  • If you are feeling righteous, take a deep breath, and walk away.

That is NOT the time to sit down with your partner/spouse to complete a PiT!!! Or any other constructive form of communcation.

THAT is the time to go away. Settle down. Go for a walk. Let the emotional charge melt away. Give yourself space to unwind and get back to center.  Don’t engage with your spouse in that space.

Try not even to engage with your own mind about whatever “it” is that you want to fight about. We can stay hung-up on something way longer than necessary through our own obsessive thoughts, running on the hampster wheel (putting in a lot of effort, but not going anywhere!) and our attachment to being Right.

Timing is a consideration.

Here’s the other thing about being in a relationship. We know our partner’s buttons. We know.

I know that James knows just what to say to send me sky-high. He knows! And… I know his too {grin}. Holding that  awareness during a PiT is helpful, coupled with a commitment to let those go. No deliberately setting each other off.

So you may find it’s beneficial to have some agreements about How You Treat Each Other during a PiT (and beyond, if necessary). We didn’t have anything at the beginning, however we quickly adopted a few key agreements along the way, which we stick to even now. Here’s a couple of the one’s we use:

  • No poking at each other;
  • No name calling – respect for one another, even when we are angry, is crucial to us;
  • I am responsible for my own emotions and experiences.



PiT communication tool

Part 1 – Clearing the Yuck

Part 2 – I am Responsible for My Own Emotions

Part 3 – Acceptance is Key